Life As It Is Fan Fiction
by heterogeneous-girl
Summary: I mean, according to the wisdom of all fan fiction writers, she had to like me back. It’s like, an unspoken, unwritten rule. And there are no exceptions to that rule…right? Eventual Loliver
1. You Can't Break Fan Fiction Tradition

**Summary: **I mean, according to the wisdom of all fan fiction writers, she had to like me back. It's like, an unspoken, unwritten rule. And there are no exceptions to that rule…right?[Eventual Loliver]

**Story Title: **Life As It Is Fan Fiction

**Chapter One: **You Just Can't Break Fan Fiction Tradition

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_Oliver, stop reading your dumb fan fiction and come down to the beach! Miley_ _and I are already at Rico's. _

I smirked and snapped my phone shut after scanning the text message Lily sent. Lily knew me so well. I mean, duh, she's been my best friend since pre-school. Which is why she's the only person I've ever told my secret to: the fact that I read fan fiction. Not only read fan fiction, but _enjoy_ it as well.

I know loads of people do it – read _and_ enjoy fan fiction, I mean – but if I actually made my secret known public, people are going to start thinking that I'm a huge sensitive wuss, and then start questioning my sexuality. But, despite whatever my brother or anyone says, I am straight. Considering the fact that I have a huge crush on Lily.

Yes, Lily. Lily as in my-best-friend-in-the-whole-world-besides-Miley Lily.

I don't know what exactly I'm drawn to with fan fiction. I guess it's just the perfect, albeit predictable course of action a fan fiction will take.

Tom/Dick/Harry and Sally/Jane/Mary are best friends. Tom/Dick/Harry falls in love with Sally/Jane/Mary. Tom/Dick/Harry feels very confused, because he doesn't want to ruin (insert a huge physical quantity here) years of friendship, even if Sally/Jane/Mary is flirting with him. Drama ensues. (Note: the drama that ensues is the only variable in the story) Tom/Dick/Harry finally grows balls and confesses himself to Sally/Jane/Mary. Sally/Jane/Mary and he share a sweet kiss, fireworks erupt and a choir starts singing angelically at the back for them, they get married and bear enough babies to become the next Duggars.

Even though a fan fiction is sickeningly standard, I suppose it's also one of the aspects I liked about it. The fact that although I instinctively knew what was going to happen, the eventual happy-ever-after still made me sigh in admiration (silently, of course), a dreamy smile playing on my lips is what kept me a loyal fan to the stories other high school students like myself write.

What? Fine, I'll admit that I'm a huge romantic – romantic, not sensitive – wuss, but I'm definitely not gay. No offence.

About my crush on Lily. I mean, it's only to be expected. And it's not because all the best friend shipping in stories has gotten into my head. I've always had a thing for Lily, even before the fan fiction, which began about 3 years ago. We're best friends, so it makes sense right? At least, that's what all the stories say.

Damn I really suck.

But in any case, I've decided to skip past two scenes – being confused and the drama – and straight to growing balls and telling her that I like her today.

Strange as it is, after reading an amount of fan fiction, even the most incredulous and cheesy things suddenly become very realistic and plausible to you. Like, for example, your best friend liking you back. Because, in my years as a secret fan fiction obsessed fan, I have learnt that more often than not, the feelings between two parties are mutual, and all that worrying about risking your friendship is unnecessary. Hallelujah!

Therefore, I'm going to admit my biggest secret to Lily since the whole fan fiction thing: that I like her. After all, she can't say no, can she? I mean, she just can't break years of painstakingly built fluffy fan fiction tradition.

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**A/N: **Obviously, this story is going to be very unexpected, :D I'm liking it already, don't you? Regardless, review!


	2. Where No FanFiction Has Ever Gone Before

**Summary: **I mean, according to the wisdom of all fan fiction writers, she had to like me back. It's like, an unspoken, unwritten rule. And there are no exceptions to that rule…right? [Eventual Loliver]

**Story Title: **Life As It Is Fan Fiction

**Chapter Two: **Where no fan fiction has ever gone before

Okay, now Lily and I are finally alone, without the noisy company of Miley. I asked for her to stay awhile after Miley was gone, so I could, you know. Confess. Ew, that is so…dramatic.

She's went home early because Mamaw Stewart is visiting and she regards her grandchildren not being there to spend quality family time with as impiety. And then recietes the whole "impiety-towards-your-grandmother-is-equivalent-to-sacrilege" speech. Trust me, that is one **long **speech. I know because the last time she gave that speech, Lily and I were around. When we gave the excuse that our mothers needed us for a dinner party they were jointly holding that night, Mamaw lapsed into another grating speech about how that was the "right way" to treat our elders – with respect and love and therefore unquestioning and unfailing servitude. Talk about propaganda – while insisting on keeping us at the Stewart's for good example and reference for Jackson and Miley.

I shuddered at the thought, which managed to tangle my insides together into one tight ball that tightened and tightened, that clouded and spun my mind nauseatingly, until I puked it all out. (I mean that literally. I shuddered like I had horrible chills. My teeth chattered.)

"So, what'd you wanna tell me?" Lily prompted, plopping down on the sand and indicating for me to sit down next to her.

I thought over the situation briefly as I sat down. I mean since we've been best friends our entire life, we know each other inside out, unto the very last unnecessary detail, we take good, attentive care of each another (in very weird, physically hurtful, carefully concealed ways) and we always have a great time together. That's what every girl wants from a potential boyfriend, right? Once again, thank you, wonderful people who document what girls want in a boyfriend in such great detail in the form of fan fiction.

I suddenly feel a hundred percent confident that she likes me back. It wasn't a burst of confidence; it was more like a slow, radiating sensation, like a charging battery. Okay, so I tell her that I like her, she says that she likes me too and then we kiss. Simple enough.

"Lily, I like you," I say casually, as if I did this all the time. It wasn't pretence, I really was certain that she'd _like _like me back too.

"Pfft, who doesn't?" Lily replied with an eye roll. The girl is so thick! But I spot nervous shifting of her eyes – maybe she's shy to admit that she likes Smoken' Oken?

I stare her down, directly in the eye, and emphasize, "I like you _that _way." Hey, I'm _good_ at this.

Lily turns her head to face the sea and away from me, such that I only see her profile and bends her head down to let her blonde hair fan across her face, using it as a shield of sorts. She inhaled staggeringly, before turning back to me. "But I don't," she says softly.

"Oh," I mutter back dumbly. The whole rejection feeling hasn't quite hit me yet; I feel a little puzzled and dazed, in fact – not sad or heartbroken; not yet.

"Bye," she mumbles, the monosyllable darting out of her mouth fast and sharp, and gets up and runs in the direction of her house.

I sank down a little lower in the sand, pressing my entire weight down into the sand. I ogle at the sky, now a deep shade of plum; there was only the faintest stretch of orange left, and it was weaning and shrinking rapidly, giving way to the night. Then it hit me: Lily Truscott had rejected me, and things are going to be major awkward between us.

Now I understand what everyone means by putting your friendship on the line.

I decomposed my hurricane of emotions, rationalizing and classifying them until I got only these few: worry, gloom and anger.

The gloom was only to be expected, so that was okay. I was worried that our friendship would end just because I was dumb enough to like Lily. But curiously, I wasn't angry at Lily for not returning my feelings – no, I was angry that she had broken fan fiction tradition by, well, not returning my feelings. That was the biggest don't in the history of all fan fiction don'ts. They were unwritten, of course, but I mean, that's not even an argument. These fan fictions had instilled in me so much courage and hope and Lily says three words, and my entire idealistic notion of these stories just evaporated and fizzled into nothing. Poof, ping, abracadabra! How could she!

Well, I won't just let years of constructed romantic, fairytale mindset be taken over by misanthropy. No, I won't stand for it. Instead, I'm going to go where no fan fiction has ever:

I am going to woo Lily Truscott.

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**A/N: **Yay long chapter :D Sorry it took so long to update; I am just so darn lazy. Well, I hope this chapter has incured your interest! Review, review, reviewwwwwwww!


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